Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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