Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
