i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
