Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
