You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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