I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
