hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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