I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
is wine microwaveable?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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