Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
