That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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