I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
