Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
