Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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