she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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