I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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