sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
