you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
