He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
