my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The air taste purple.
Randomize
