Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
50% drunk capacity currently
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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