Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
