Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
