# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
