woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
