I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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