I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
