dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
