My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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