Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
