I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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