So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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