to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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