ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
