My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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