Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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