HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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