I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
