I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
