She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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