So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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