arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
