i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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