Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
