The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
