Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just found a bag of teeth...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
