I'm so fucking centered right now
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Actions speak louder than pants.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
