Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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