Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
