Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
