This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
