Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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