is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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