Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
