The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
