my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
